Why meaning transcends happiness
I’m walking barefoot on the beach; the warm sand is a striking contrast to the freezing ocean water; the warm breeze caresses my body and wakes up my senses; and the sun's rays create beautiful sparkles on the water.
I feel peaceful, calm, connected to nature, truly happy, and alive.
I receive a text that rips me out of my state of joy, and I realize this moment will not last forever.
Sadness looms over me as I must accept that reality will catch up with me wherever I am. I must go back to work, attend to my responsibilities, and chase happiness-inducing moments and endeavors.
I find happiness an elusive concept; we all wish to attain it, but the harder we try, the more it gets away from us.
I always wondered why some cultures are inherently happier than others, especially in less affluent countries.
According to my research, there are five different cultural perspectives on happiness.
The first is the Western perspective, influenced by individualism, freedom, pleasure, success, and personal achievement.
The second perspective is the East Asian perspective, which is based on collectivism, harmony, duty, prioritizing family harmony over personal desires, peacefulness, and fitting into society.
The third one is South Asian, which is more spiritual and focuses on self-realization, meaning, detachment, transcendence, and attachment from the ego.
The fourth one is the African view, which is community-centered, emphasizes shared identity, mutual care and respect, and holds that group happiness is more important than individual happiness.
The fifth is the Nordic perspective, which focuses on contentment, life balance, comfort, equality, security, and simplicity.
Chasing happiness often stems from a sense of entitlement; we believe we deserve to be happy and expect our lives to unfold as we desire.
When our ego is attached to our happiness, negative emotions flood our sense of well-being. When life doesn’t go according to plan (appeasing our ego), we may experience frustration, low self-esteem, low self-worth, and disappointment.
Pursuing happiness often results in the opposite: we force ourselves to feel a certain way, chase meaningless status-driven goals, and neglect our true, authentic selves.
If you wake up in the morning dreading your workday, your only pleasure is a delicious cup of coffee, and you count the days until the weekend, it’s not a lack of happiness but a lack of meaning.
What is the definition of meaning?
Meaning is focused on self-growth, purpose, and deep, genuine connections. Through meaning, we make sense of the world and our experiences. It is the desire to live authentically aligned with our values and desires.
Why is pursuing meaning more important than pursuing happiness?
Happiness is fleeting, like a beautiful rainbow whose magnificent colors will gradually fade away.
Happiness often depends on outside factors, like having a successful career, status, material possessions, a stable and happy marriage, accomplishing tasks, and reaching goals.
Meaning can bridge the gap between the frustration of difficult circumstances and the state of acceptance.
Meaning is the fuel for purpose.
Meaning provides clarity.
Meaning can help with decision paralysis. For example, “Does this career opportunity feel meaningful to me?” or “Do I have a meaningful connection with this person?”
Meaning can help to make sense of our suffering. What is the lesson we are supposed to learn?
Meaning transcends the ego because the focus is on how we can make this world a better place instead of focusing on popularity, status, or achievement.
Chasing happiness can be exhausting; creating a meaningful life is energizing.
What are the pillars of meaning?
1. Belonging
It doesn’t matter whether you are an extrovert or an introvert; belonging is essential to human survival. It makes us feel safe and valued, prevents loneliness and depression, and fosters deep connections.
The statistics are heartbreaking: 1/3 of Americans say they feel lonely. Social media exacerbates this problem by preventing authentic connections from forming. According to research on longevity, it is not our lifestyle or genetics that predicts a long life but rather daily, meaningful connections, such as offering a compliment to a stranger, small talk with a neighbor, genuinely expressing gratitude, or sending a thoughtful text to a friend.
Belonging is part of the compassion and care we extend to each other, which makes this world a better place.
The search for meaning is a universal quest, but it does not have to be a lonely endeavor. It is unrealistic to be liked or to connect with everyone. All that matters is that we surround ourselves with people who like us for who we are, respect our worldview, and provide a life raft when life's challenges threaten to drown us.
2. Purpose
When do you usually wake up excited to start your day? Is it on a Saturday when you don’t have to drag yourself to a soul-sucking job or wake up at 4 am to catch a flight to an exotic destination?
The after-vacation/weekend blues hit you hard on Monday, and no amount of coffee and positive affirmations can summon up motivation.
Purpose is not static. As your wisdom grows, your life experiences change, as you adopt new values and shed old beliefs that no longer serve you, your purpose changes as well.
Living purposefully, with clear intention, offers many benefits, including better mental health, longevity, greater stress resilience, and greater overall life satisfaction.
Purpose is like the wind moving the sailboat towards a desired destination; without it, we would be drifting into the abyss of a meaningless life.
Pursuing purpose can be anything that feels energizing and meaningful and provides you with joy and excitement.
3. Storytelling
Every story is a new beginning, a blank canvas for creating the life we imagine. Stories are powerful because they help us make sense of experiences, suffering, and the world itself.
I first started writing as a young child to help me process my mother’s abandonment. At this time, I wasn’t aware that I was writing for a purpose; it was more about escaping the painful reality. I would get lost in my imagination and create characters with traits I longed for, such as confidence. I was painfully shy and had a stutter; the stories helped me envision a better, stronger version of myself.
I stopped writing in my twenties because life’s struggles and disappointments derailed my passion and kept my curious, inner child hostage.
Storytelling opens a portal to a new perspective, a new way to look at the world, ourselves, and our experiences.
A word of caution when it comes to storytelling. Sometimes we use storytelling to escape a painful reality rather than proactively trying to change the circumstances. Someone in a toxic work environment will make up a story about why they should stay in their job, which prevents them from seeking new opportunities. Use stories wisely; they will broaden your perspective, deepen your wisdom, foster gratitude, help you make sense of your experiences, and motivate you to create the life you envision.
4. Transcendence
Before I dive deeper into the importance of transcendence, here is a description of what transcendence is:
Transcendence refers to the experience of moving beyond the ordinary limits of the self—your ego, daily routines, and sensory reality—into a state of awareness that connects you to something greater than yourself. It is often described as a moment of unity with the universe, a glimpse of the divine, or a deep sense of belonging to a larger whole.
Have you ever had an awe-inspiring moment, such as looking at a beautiful sunset, and feeling connected to something greater, something ethereal but difficult to describe? For a moment, problems and worries seem trivial. You are in a trance-like state, feeling calm and peaceful. Unfortunately, this moment doesn’t last very long because your monkey brain is already thinking about your to-do list or worrying about something that is totally out of your control.
Transcendence is difficult to achieve because our ego and responsibilities pull us back to reality. Our ego is a powerful commander with a strong need for achievement, admiration, and validation. The ego wants to control you, so you don’t take any crazy risks, like trying to open a cute Hippie coffee shop in the Sierra Nevada mountains instead of staying in your secure, reliable but boring job.
Transcendence is the ability to let go of our ego, surrender our worries to the universe, trust the process, and stay connected to our intuition, which guides us toward the true path of a meaningful, authentic life.
How can you build a meaningful life?
Your goals need to be aligned with your values.
Cultivate deep and authentic relationships.
Pursue purposeful goals, such as making this world a better place, instead of chasing goals to appease your ego.
Wake up with a grateful heart.
Start your day with clear intentions.
Drown out the noise of your doubts and worries.
Ignore society’s expectations.
Create brief moments of joy throughout the day, such as dancing to your favorite music while you wash the dishes, playing with your pet, lingering a minute longer in your partner’s embrace, hugging a tree, walking barefoot in the grass to absorb nature’s grounding energy….well, you get the point 😉
Wherever you are on your spiritual journey, I hope you will create a life full of wonder, beautiful memories, purpose, meaning, and fulfillment.
Sending positive vibes your way 😊
