Happiness Roadblocks

One of the most significant endeavors of our lives is to achieve lasting happiness, but why does it seem so challenging to attain?

Happiness is like a beautiful bubble, fragile and ready to burst at any unforeseen moment.

Is true happiness an illusion?

As a child, the most trivial things made me happy, such as finding a four-leaf clover in the grass and proudly presenting it to my father. I believed that finding this rare four-leaf clover would bring me luck and fortune, an idea that originated back in the 17th century. I had many lucky encounters in my life, but I’m still waiting to be bestowed with riches beyond my wildest imagination.

I remember when the song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” came out. It was like an earworm that kept playing in the background. I wondered if I could train my mind so that feeling happy became my default mode, making life more joyful and peaceful. I wouldn’t have to seek validation from the outside, chase meaningless goals, and obsess about one more wrinkle that seemed to have popped up overnight.

Happiness is not something we can aspire to, and it should never be the end goal. Happiness is the byproduct of our daily habits and thoughts.

Happiness is about riding the wave of hardship with grace and acceptance and savoring the beautiful moments as much as possible, without becoming attached to a certain outcome.

If you look up quotes about happiness, you will see hundreds of them, all of which hold merit.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

What are some of the things that can pose major roadblocks to our happiness?

• Lack of meaningful and genuine connections.

When I was younger, I judged my self-worth by how many friends I had. Decades later, I value meaningful, genuine relationships over popularity. A genuine friendship should be about honesty, vulnerability, supporting each other through the dark times, not being afraid to show your true colors, and leaving the coffee shop (friends and coffee = happiness 😊) feeling positive and joyful.

• Lack of purpose.

Imagine waking up full of energy, excited to start a new day. You are energized by your life’s purpose, which motivates you to ignore the snooze button that tempts you to sleep another 10 minutes.

Imagine a different scenario where you wake up to a life devoid of meaning and purpose; it drains your life energy and questions your existence. I used to drag myself out of bed for years, constantly fighting the urge to remain engulfed in the warm embrace of my bed. I couldn’t wait for the weekend to come as quickly as possible, and, sadly, a delicious cup of coffee was a motivator to start my day.

As you get older, time becomes more precious, and I've realized that living only for the weekend is squandering it.

It’s human nature, especially as we age, that we desire to have a meaningful, fulfilled, and purposeful life.

Personally, I want to know that my life matters and that I leave an imprint on future generations.

Purpose is a catalyst for joy, happiness, and motivation.

Purpose doesn’t have to be one major thing, like a meaningful job. It can be little things, like random acts of kindness, that will put a smile on someone who might really need it, or reaching out to a friend and saying, “I just thought of you and wanted to wish you a lovely day.”

• Health problems.

This used to be a happiness killer for me over the last year, as I have been struggling with chronic health issues. I would curse the universe, or whoever would listen, about my body’s inability to heal. This self-loathing behavior ultimately impeded my healing journey.

My health problems made me aware of some behaviors that were sabotaging my health, and I consciously started prioritizing healthy habits. Unfortunately, in our busy society, we tend to ignore our health and focus on other things, like our careers or being super-parents.

What is one thing you can do today to feel healthier and more vibrant?

Can you carve out 10 minutes daily to move your body? Dancing naked optional 😉

Can you wake up 20 minutes earlier to prepare a healthy breakfast and not start your day rushing to work?

Anything you do for your health (exercising, cutting out junk food, meditation, preparing a healthy lunch to take to work, etc.) will be an investment in your physical and mental health, and the side effect will be increased happiness. 🙂

• Feeling stuck in a job you hate.

It took me two years to realize that my job felt like a black hole, sucking the joy out of my life. Unfortunately, as many people can relate, I felt stuck because I worried the next job could be worse. The good news is that we are only stuck if we believe we are. Our beliefs are so powerful that they can either propel us towards change or keep us in a never-ending cycle of despair and unhappiness.

If you feel stuck, think of the consequences of staying in your current situation, which are often more detrimental than the fear of change.

• Letting outside factors affect your happiness.

Victor Frank, a holocaust survivor, once said: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

Sometimes, the most trivial things beyond our control can zap our happiness. An annoying coworker, a driver who cut you off in traffic, or a friend who texts back three days later.

Practicing gratitude can help you accept your outer environment.

Cultivate a positive mindset, stay calm when life’s challenges threaten your sanity, and don’t let outside factors disturb your inner peace and self-love.

• Letting your emotions control you.

If I had a dollar for every emotion that killed my happiness, I would be rich… cruising along the beautiful Amalfi coast in my red Porsche 😊

Emotions are so powerful that they can move mountains or make us feel paralyzed.

Instead of letting your emotions control you, embrace them and turn them into something positive. Every time I see something sad on the news (pretty much all the time), I ask myself, “How can I  make this world a better place?”

Smiling at random strangers or making genuine compliments will automatically elevate your mood.

• Expecting your spouse/other people to make you happy.

Expecting other people to make you happy is like expecting the weather to be perfect every day.

Falling in love with yourself, exploring your dreams and desires, and finding hobbies/endeavors you are passionate about will increase your happiness. That way you won’t get mad if your partner is lacking in the romance department….hint, hint, hubby, buy me some flowers. 😉

• High expectations/too much ambition.

I’m a highly ambitious person to the point of obsession. I have three or four goals at a time, start dedicating myself to accomplishing them, and then I realize that my efforts are zapping my energy and happiness. When we work towards fear-driven goals, such as losing weight to feel desirable, we burn out quickly because they do not align with our true spirit. If you hate exercise, don’t force yourself to go to the gym. If your goals align with something you are passionate about and the process brings you joy, then it will flow naturally.

• Lack of connection to nature.

Mother Nature is not just awe-inspiring but also healing. Japanese people practice forest bathing when life has drained them of joy. When we become disconnected from nature, we become slaves to social media and TV shows. I’m guilty of scrolling through social media posts to distract myself from stressful moments, but it never makes me feel any better. Just going outside for 10 minutes, taking a walk, hugging a tree, tending to your garden, soaking up sunshine, meeting a friend for a walk at the park, or riding your bicycle to the coffee shop is enough to elevate your happiness.

• Fear of vulnerability.

When people hurt us, we build a fortress around our hearts, so we don’t experience disappointment again. It’s a natural defense mechanism that keeps us from experiencing deep connections with people. Life should not be a masquerade ball where everyone pretends to be someone they are not. It should be about showing your true essence to the world and connecting with people who will love all parts of you.

• Lack of meaningful activities/creativity.

When someone tells me they are not creative, I immediately dispute it. Creativity is like tending to a garden; if you neglect it, it will wither. When we were children, our creativity was through the roof because we were free of social expectations and responsibilities. As adults, we carry baggage that drains our creativity and joy.

I challenge you to pick up a new creative hobby and let that inner child resurface. Use your imagination to awaken your creative energy, which will not only enhance your happiness but also help you connect with your lost inner child.

• Lack of spiritual growth.

Why is spirituality important? It connects us with the collective energy of humanity, makes us less selfish and more compassionate, and provides us with the opportunity to trust in our journey, which boosts our resilience to weather the storm. Spirituality can help you surrender your worries to the universe. Ultimately, worrying is simply our inability to trust that everything will be fine and that we cannot force any desired outcome.

• Unhealthy attachments.

 What’s holding you back from living a meaningful, authentic, and happy life is your attachments.

Attachments cause suffering because we hold on to the illusion that they bring us joy and happiness, which they do to an extent. Attachments can provide us with a dopamine rush, a sense of achievement, belonging, self-esteem, and safety.

The downside of these attachments is that you are constantly chasing them, and once they are taken away, you feel empty and unhappy.

Some of the attachments can be:

·      Beliefs

·      Opinions

·      Material things (coming from a person who loves to collect things, like Snoopy items, magnets, bookmarks, etc.).

·      The ego

·      Relationships (co-dependency is very dangerous)

·      Your competitive drive (Try to maintain a healthy competitive spirit)

·      Need for validation

·      Unrealistic goals

·      High expectations

What are some of the things that can cultivate happiness?

1.   Plan one joyful activity every day.

2.   Set your intentions for the day, for example, “I choose to pay attention to the good things today and ignore the bad things.”

3.   Don’t try to control the outcome.

4.   Maintain an internal locus of control vs. an external locus of control. Take responsibility for your own actions and don’t blame others, or the universe, for your bad circumstances.

5.   Stay away from energy-sucking monsters (friends, coworkers, family members).

6.   Create time for solitude. Learn to love your own companionship.

7.   Examine the words you speak to others and to yourself. Negative words will wire your brain to believe the message and reinforce it daily, keeping you in a loop of negativity.

8.   Surround yourself with people who inspire and lift you.

9.   Don’t live with regret, which will keep you hostage to sadness.

10. Make time for exploration: new hobbies, foods, friendships, museums, countries, meaningful goals, etc.

Make every day meaningful by noticing beauty and kindness, exploring your creativity, connecting with loved ones, cultivating joy, following your passion, and letting go of expectations and unhealthy attachments.

You are worthy of everything life has to offer. ❤️

·      “If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you.”

(Lao Tzu)