How to live an authentic life.
Yesterday, I spent time with my friend Thanh. We were sitting in her lovely tearoom, cross-legged, enjoying some lychee tea and Japanese pastries. While we were in deep conversation, her young son kept coming into the room with a big smile on his face, proudly presenting me with a different toy; his excitement and energy were contagious. I love how kids find treasures among the simplest things, like rocks and sticks.
I had recently quit my job, which was toxic and sucked me out of my joy for life. When I talked to Thanh, I was not in a good mental state; I was angry with myself for not having found the courage to walk away from my toxic job sooner. Thanh emphasized with me and told me it was time to let go. We went on to explore the meaning of being true to your authentic self.
I left Thanh’s house feeling supported and uplifted, while simultaneously wondering what it takes to live authentically.
After some soul-searching (which involved drinking coffee, wearing my Pajamas, and sitting on a deck overlooking the beautiful Colorado mountains), I concluded that living my true, authentic self means:
Opening my mind to new possibilities.
Fear of the unknown, rigid thinking, and fear of failure keep us from discovering the many possibilities life has to offer. When we don’t see possibilities, we focus on telling ourselves stories that keep us stuck in a situation we are not truly happy with. These stories are not inherently wrong because they are based on what we think we should do, such as staying in a toxic job to support our family, but they prevent us from seeing better options. New possibilities are the gateway to self-discovery, self-growth, and self-actualization.
Exposing my deep desires.
Have you shared your deepest desires with anyone, or do you keep them locked up in a vault? Culture and society dictate how we should conduct our lives, which can be particularly hazardous for individuals who don’t fit into the societal mold. Desires often cause shame, a toxic emotion that can lead to depression and keep us from living authentically.
Desires can bring us closer to our authentic selves. They are a message from our soul that something is missing. When we feel sadness for no reason, or we are lost, it’s like a void that needs to be filled so we can feel whole again.
Don’t be afraid to explore your desires; they make life more exciting! 😉
Being vulnerable.
Being vulnerable in an ego-driven society is not easy. This has been one of the biggest struggles of my life regarding friendships. I crave deep and genuine connections, which require honesty, but opening your heart to others leaves you vulnerable to disappointment and pain. Some people choose to build a giant fortress around their heart to prevent pain, which never allows them to experience a deep connection with someone. Even though I have been disappointed and hurt many times, I choose vulnerability because that’s the only way to foster genuine and meaningful relationships.
“Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, and love” (Brene Brown)
Living my truth/knowing my values.
Nothing is truly true except for the impermanence of our lives. What is true for one person may have no meaning or value to someone else. Your truth has a lot in common with your values, which are the guiding system for how you want to live your life and treat others.
What are some of the values that drive or motivate you?
Some of my values are kindness, integrity, curiosity, compassion, and being helpful. When I live according to my values, I’m happier, more grounded, and wake up with a sense of purpose.
When you are aligned with your values (your truth), life can be more meaningful and authentic.
Bravely navigating in the direction of my dreams/following my passion.
Life without dreams is like a barren desert, devoid of color and beauty. Dreams are the fuel for creativity, passion, and purpose. Paying attention to our dreams can tell us what’s missing in our lives or relationships. You might dream about opening a coffee shop in a cute mountain town (like me), which could be a yearning for independence, creativity, honoring your free spirit, connecting with like-minded people, or leaving your boring 9-5 job.
Finding the courage to follow our dreams is like climbing Mt. Everest; it’s daunting and seems unrealistic.
We don’t have to chase all our dreams (Some are unlikely to come true, like being hugged by our celebrity crush…..Chris Hemsworth for me😉). If we move towards our dreams, it can enrich our lives in many ways, such as feeling more fulfilled, joyful, excited, and happy.
Loving myself unconditionally.
Living authentically means loving yourself unconditionally. Your inner demons will always try to tell you that you are “not smart enough”, “not pretty enough”, “not hard working enough”, “not successful enough”…..well, you get the point.
If you feed into your inner narrative, you will lose your self-love and self-worth. We cannot expect other people to make us feel better by showering us with compliments and recognition. Your self-love needs to stem from your soul, which sees beauty and potential within you.
Finding happiness in simplicity.
When we live authentically, our happiness does not depend on accumulating material things (unless it’s something that brings you joy, like my Snoopy coffee mug collection), chasing the next goal, or focusing on achievement, status, prestige, and power. Simplicity is about being in a state of flow while you are doing something meaningful (writing, painting, spending time with a positive friend, gardening, hiking, meditating, volunteering, etc.); it’s about experiencing joy based on acceptance, gratitude, awe, curiosity, mindfulness, and love for yourself and others.
Letting go of toxic emotions.
Toxic emotions are like a tumor that keeps growing unless you release them. It is natural to struggle with negative emotions, such as resentment and disappointment, because we want other people to treat us the way we deserve to be treated. The problem with toxic emotions is that they keep us stuck, rob us of our self-worth, and kill our creative energy. I know too well how it feels to be stuck in a cycle of anger, resentment, and disappointment. I was caught in a web of self-loathing, which kept me from writing and robbed me of my self-esteem.
By letting go of toxic emotions, you will honor your authentic spirit.
Please be patient with yourself when toxic emotions start to resurface. Just like a baby must fall a hundred times to learn how to walk, you will have to sit with these emotions for a while until they slowly fade away.
Living an authentic life is not easy; it requires soul-searching, letting go of unrealistic expectations, courage, forgiving yourself for past mistakes, and being honest with yourself. However, it’s the only way to live in alignment with your inner spirit and soul.
Wherever your journey will take you, never compromise on living authentically 🌻
(Brene Brown)
