Peaceful morning in Breckenridge, Colorado 😊
When was the last time you stood in front of the mirror without questioning whether your jeans made your butt look big or whether it was time for a Botox treatment because your wrinkles made you look permanently angry?
When was the last time you didn't criticize yourself for your lack of motivation because the number on the scale screamed "loser" at you?
When was the last time you didn't feel guilty about saying no to a lunch date because all you wanted to do was binge-watch your favorite show on Netflix?
Why is it so damn hard to love ourselves?
Let's talk about that mean little goblin sitting on your shoulder, laughing at and criticizing everything you do. He makes you question every thought that pops into your mind, your ability to make good decisions, and whether you're capable of achieving anything meaningful. He's determined to sabotage your goals and dreams, and apparently, he doesn't believe in taking a day off!
If you're your own worst critic, consider this: You weren't born with a dysfunctional, self-criticizing alter ego whose favorite pastime is stealing your self-worth whenever you start feeling good about yourself.
Social conditioning, cultural upbringing, and our desire to be liked, accepted, and admired all play a role.
I believe most of us have some uncomfortable stories to tell about our high school years. Trying to fit in was a bitch, and I never did figure out the secret to being one of the popular girls.
One thing I know for sure: They had a much better sense of fashion because my wardrobe looked like it had been thrown together by a five-year-old. LOL!
I gravitated toward the not-so-cool crowd, the misfits and underdogs, because I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't.
Self-Love Isn't Always Bubble Baths and Positive Affirmations.
Most people associate self-love with self-acceptance and self-care, but that's only part of the equation.
Self-love isn't just about pampering yourself and accepting your imperfections. It's also about having uncomfortable conversations with yourself that uncover insecurities, self-sabotaging thoughts, and behaviors.
It's about recognizing what no longer serves you, identifying habits that sabotage your goals, and noticing toxic people or situations that drain your energy.
I'm notorious for trying to distract myself whenever uncomfortable thoughts pop into my mind.
Hey, it's much more fun to shop for a new outfit than to think about people who have hurt us or the countless mistakes and failures we're not particularly proud of!
But here's the problem: We start believing our failures define us and that other people's opinions determine our self-worth. And that's a surefire way to sabotage self-love.
I had to learn to sit with the pain and disappointment without allowing those experiences to define who I am.
And let me tell you, it's incredibly liberating! 😊
Stop Auditioning for Love: You're Already Enough!
Why do we feel the need to earn someone's love?
In a previous blog post, I mentioned how I tried to be the perfect wife, which was both exhausting and completely irrational.
It took me a long time to realize that my husband fell in love with who I am, not what I do for him.
Of course, he certainly appreciates it when I bake his favorite cookies! 😉
If someone doesn't love you for who you are, don't spend your life trying to convince them otherwise. There are people out there who will appreciate the wonderful person you already are.
Your only audition should be for the leading role in your own life story. And this is where your imagination can run wild!
Here's a kind reminder: Don't try to earn love through achievements, appearance, or people-pleasing.
You owe it to yourself to pursue what makes your heart and soul happy!
Fall in Love With the Person You're Becoming.
I'm not talking about turning into a narcissist. We surely have enough of those in the world!
I'm talking about falling in love with the messy, sometimes dysfunctional, beautifully imperfect work in progress that you are.
It's not about becoming the perfect version of yourself. That sounds pretty boring anyway! It's about accepting where you are right now while appreciating how far you've come.
Pay attention to unrealistic expectations. Define what success means to you, rather than allowing others to dictate your self-worth.
And don't forget to create healthy boundaries to protect your happiness and peace of mind.
Most importantly, learn to appreciate the person you're becoming as you get older.
Because let's face it, aging is challenging enough without constantly criticizing ourselves along the way!
When Does Kindness Turn Into Self-Abandonment?
Kind people are my favorite people, but sometimes kindness comes at a price.
We put our own needs aside to help others. We choose what's best for everyone else, often at the expense of what's best for ourselves.
I have two wonderful brothers whose sarcasm can occasionally drive me up the wall. But they mean well when they lovingly remind me that I need to stop being Mother Teresa.
First of all, what's wrong with being Mother Teresa?
And secondly, as much as I hate to admit it, they're right!
When we constantly give to others without taking care of ourselves, we risk losing sight of our own needs and desires.
We ignore that little voice inside us encouraging us to do something that brings us joy because somehow, we've convinced ourselves that putting our own happiness first is selfish.
But when did we decide that taking care of ourselves was something to feel guilty about?
When do we finally give ourselves permission to chase a dream, start a passion project, or quit a soul-sucking job simply because we're unhappy?
If your kindness has turned into self-abandonment, it's time to take back the reins and practice a little self-kindness.
I recently quit a toxic job, and looking back, it was one of the kindest things I could have done for myself.
Sometimes, our fear of being judged by others keeps us from choosing what we truly need, want, and desire.
So, here's my challenge to you:
I dare you to make one choice today that might feel selfish but will bring you genuine happiness.
It doesn't have to be something life-changing. Just something that reminds you that your happiness matters, too.
You owe it to yourself.
I'm rooting for you! 🌻
